Law Offices of John A. GuthriePleasanton Family Law Attorney | Livermore CA Divorce Lawyer | Law Offices of John A. Guthrie2024-03-15T20:17:32Zhttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/feed/atom/WordPress/wp-content/uploads/sites/1201556/2021/05/cropped-john-a-guthrie-favicon-32x32.jpgOn Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=494192024-03-13T08:39:22Z2024-03-13T08:39:22ZHow a child ends up in the middle
While in some cases, the parents might deliberately do so, such as by fighting in front of their children or speaking harshly about their other parent, in other cases, this might happen accidentally. Some of the ways that might result in the child feeling torn between their parents include:
Using the child as a confidant about adult problems
Making the child the go-between messenger between the parents
Asking the child the spy on their other parent
The emotional impact of being in the middle
For children, falling into the middle of a co-parenting dispute can be harmful and confusing. The child might feel pulled in opposite directions and forced to take sides in the conflict. Over time, the stress and anxiety they feel might lead to issues of self-worth.
Protecting the child
Protecting your child from co-parenting can help you have a successful child custody journey. It means choosing not to speak wrong about their other parent in front of the child, encouraging the relationship between them and modeling positive behavior by choosing to have open, honest communication with that parent. If the relationship between you and your co-parent is highly conflicted, you should minimize the children witnessing these interactions.
The goal of most co-parents is to raise happy, emotionally-stable children. While there might be conflicts between you, prioritizing the children’s emotional needs by protecting them from these conflicts is an important step.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=494172024-02-22T17:52:05Z2024-02-22T17:52:05ZSubstantial and material
Petitions to modify spousal support are often made by former spouses who no longer have the financial means to meet their court-ordered obligations. These petitions may be submitted after a payor loses their job, retires, files for bankruptcy or suffers some sort of financial setback. If the presiding judge determines that the change in circumstances is unlikely to be permanent, they can order a temporary family law modification. If the change in circumstances is caused by age or ill health, spousal support modifications may be permanent.
Modification hearings
Both parties are given an opportunity to make arguments in a spousal support hearing. They are also required to submit documents that establish their current financial situations. Judges consider these requests carefully, and they may deny modification requests made by spouses who they believe have deliberately reduced their income to avoid making court-ordered payments.
Avoiding conflict
Spousal support modification hearings sometimes become contentious. People who wish to avoid conflict can agree in writing that their arrangements cannot be changed or revoked. If no such agreement is reached, a family law judge may decide that a spousal support order should be temporarily or permanently modified. However, the judge will only modify the order if they are convinced that there has been a substantial and material change in the either party's circumstances.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=494062024-02-13T08:40:16Z2024-02-13T08:40:16ZShock and guilt
Shock can affect individuals in two ways. The person initiating the divorce may experience shock when they realize they want to end their marriage.
On the other hand, the other spouse may feel shocked upon hearing their partner's desire for divorce. Although they may sense issues in the marriage, they might be dedicated to resolving them. The suddenness of the changes can drastically disrupt one's life.
Guilt arises partly due to the societal stigma surrounding divorce. Individuals may feel like failures because their marriage has ended. They may harbor regrets about actions such as neglecting mental health treatment, engaging in extramarital affairs or other negative behaviors.
Relief and optimism
On the flip side, divorcing couples may experience some positive emotions. If the marriage had been contentious for years, they may feel relief that the fighting and the daily stress of conflict have ended.
Some feel optimistic, believing that divorce enables them to regain a part of themselves they thought they had lost in marriage. They may perceive new opportunities to advance in their careers or cultivate friendships that are not feasible during marriage.
Emotional ebbs and flows
The emotions a couple undergoes during the end of their marriage are intricate and can fluctuate based on the stage of the divorce process. Sometimes, nostalgia and sadness can be triggered by pictures, friends and memories. Other times, a renewed sense of freedom, fresh experiences and a revitalized sense of identity may prompt one to question why they didn't opt for divorce sooner.
Emotions diminish over time
Fortunately, in most cases, the intensity of emotions linked to divorce diminishes over time. With patience and support from friends, family and mental health professionals, individuals can attain peace and tranquility.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=493922024-01-25T20:26:44Z2024-01-25T20:26:44ZUnderstanding community property laws
In 2021, 689,308 divorces occurred, and California is just one of the nine community property states. This means that the assets you acquire during the marriage are community property and subject to equal division between you and your spouse. This includes retirement accounts, such as 401(k)s, IRAs and pension plans.
Gathering financial information
To safeguard your retirement savings, start by gathering comprehensive financial information. Make a detailed list of all your assets, including retirement accounts and their current values. Calculate your separate assets as well as the contributions you and your spouse made to your respective retirement accounts.
Considering a qualified domestic relations order
A QDRO is a legal order that divides retirement accounts between you and your spouse without incurring tax penalties. Work with financial professionals who specialize in QDROs to navigate this complex process successfully.
Exploring mediation and alternative dispute resolution
Rather than resorting to a lengthy court battle, consider mediation or ADR to reach a mutually agreeable settlement. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions, making the process more collaborative and less adversarial.
Considering negotiation
Early in the process, negotiate with your spouse for your retirement. You may have to give up assets you would rather keep. In addition, your spouse’s contributions to his or her accounts can offset your own, reducing his or her bargaining position.
After a divorce, reassess your retirement plan. Consider your updated financial situation and make necessary adjustments to ensure you can still meet your long-term financial goals.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=493912024-01-24T21:37:13Z2024-01-24T21:37:13ZGray divorces and issues about collectibles
A gray divorce refers to a marriage dissolution between older spouses. While some gray divorces involve marriages that did not involve a union of many years, a gray divorce could center on a couple that remained married for many decades. Regardless, California is a community property state in which the spouses are entitled to a 50/50 distribution of assets acquired during the marriage, although some exceptions apply.
Throughout the marriage, one or both spouses may procure many collectible items. Rare coins, wines, paintings and classic automobiles are examples. During divorce settlement negotiations, the parties may work amicably together to evenly divide the assets. One spouse may take artwork valued at a specific amount while the other spouse asks for a coin collection of equal value.
Points of consideration
One spouse might need to learn more about how much the collection is worth or the full extent of it. Performing a complete inventory audit and appraising the full value of the collectibles might prove helpful. Conducting inventory tasks on the collections could work against a spouse attempting to hide assets subject to property division.
If neither spouse wishes to own the particular items, selling the assets and dividing the proceeds may be possible. Each divorce case will have its particulars. The parties may negotiate an equitable settlement with or without mediation. When the parties cannot agree, a judge will render a decision on the assets.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=493872024-01-16T05:27:13Z2024-01-16T05:27:13ZFeelings of shame and judgment
Many older individuals feel anxiety and shame around divorce. They grew up during a time when there was extreme social pressure against divorce, and even though society around them has changed, they may have internalized some of those feelings, making it difficult for them to get a divorce. What can be beneficial for these individuals is to realize that other people are going through similar experiences and that there is help available if they want it.
Unexpected financial and social challenges
The longer a person is married, the more intertwined their financial arrangements are with their partner. They may own assets, businesses and property together. Retirement savings and Social Security will need to be considered during a divorce. From a social standpoint, long-standing relationships and friendships could be affected by the decision to divorce.
An easier process for some
For some people, a gray divorce is easier. Their children are out of the home. They are in a better financial position, and life experiences have made them resilient, so they can better deal with the challenges associated with divorce. Some face less judgment if they get divorced later in life because those around them accept that they have enough life experience to make a decision of this type on their own.
For most people, divorce is not an easy process. Older individuals may face unique challenges, but there are also some benefits that gray divorce offers them. People need to make decisions that are best for their lives.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=493722024-01-03T16:58:25Z2024-01-03T16:58:25ZHow does nesting work?
Nesting involves having a family home where the children live full-time while the parents switch in and out, depending on when they are on parenting duty. Nesting has many benefits, including minimal disruption to the children’s lives and saving parents’ money as they do not have to support two full homes where the children only live part-time in each.
How does one divorced couple make nesting work?
Nesting might not look the same for all families, though the basics are the same. The decision to undertake a nesting child custody arrangement should be made after each couple considers certain factors, including:
Commitment to open communication
Flexibility about scheduling and other situations
Willingness to be organized and focused on the best interests of the child
For this family, the parents were sure it was in their children’s best interests to maintain a stable family home where they could continue developing their relationships with both parents. The parents both wanted to have custody of their children, so they agreed to a 50-50 split. However, as one parent had to travel extensively for work, this split had to evolve, giving the other parent more parenting time. Both parents had to be flexible, as their commitment to the children’s stability was the priority. Additionally, as the nesting arrangement evolved, their communication methods also evolved.
While nesting is not the answer for parents who struggle to communicate and get along, it can work for families with strong communication skills and who can be flexible. It can be a short-term or long-term option for child custody.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=493702023-12-19T03:25:03Z2023-12-19T03:25:03ZMental illness in a marriage
There are many ways that mental illness can manifest in a marriage. For certain couples, the fact that their spouse suffered from mental illness may not have been obvious at all during the courting phase. Certain kinds of mental illness, such as borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, may be easier to hide from loved ones if they are not around them at all hours of the week.
In other cases, serious mental illness can suddenly manifest or worsen over time. This is true of diseases such as schizophrenia and dementia. Someone who was once coherent and sane may no longer be one day. Such a disease could certainly destroy what would have otherwise been a functional marriage as well.
Mental illness and divorce proceedings
Mental illness can have a big impact on how a divorce is decided. In specific, it can affect things like:
alimony
asset division
child support
child custody
legal mental competence
mandated psychological evaluations
In many cases, the court may end up not treating the divorce as it would have if both spouses were mentally competent. The mentally ill spouse may end up receiving alimony, for example, because they may be unable to work. Issues with child custody can also be affected. The court may be more suspicious of a parent who has mental health issues in regards to awarding child custody.
Overall, couples where one or both has a mental health condition may encounter issues that other divorcing couples do not. It can add complexity and hardship to the entire process for both parties.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=493682023-12-05T00:08:24Z2023-12-05T00:08:24ZPrioritize Communication
When it comes to effective co-parenting, prioritize open communication. Open communication ensures that last-minute issues don’t pop up to cause problems. But, it also ensures that your children's needs will come first. If problems arise with open communication, a mediator can help you overcome those issues.
Create a Detailed Schedule
To ensure your children spend quality time with both of their parents during the holidays, it helps to establish a detailed holiday schedule. Creating a detailed schedule lets you make adjustments to accommodate plans. When creating a holiday schedule, try to allocate specific dates and times for each parent.
Rotating the holiday schedule every year ensures that your children won't miss out on valuable moments with both parents and extended families. Detailed holiday schedules also allow your children to make plans they can rely on.
Continue With Family Traditions
When it comes to effective co-parenting during the holidays, ensure the continuation of family traditions. Maintaining established family traditions can bring comfort and continuity to children during the holiday season.
Collaborate with your co-parent to ensure that cherished traditions continue. That can include the continuation of family traditions at both homes. Working together as co-parents can create a consistent and memorable experience for your children during the holidays. Effective co-parenting can help your children create happy memories during the holidays.]]>On Behalf of Law Offices of John A. Guthriehttps://www.johnaguthrielaw.com/?p=493662023-12-01T16:10:18Z2023-12-01T16:10:18ZSudden changes in financial behavior
If your spouse undergoes abrupt alterations in their financial habits, it may be a sign of hidden assets. This could include unexplained withdrawals, increased secrecy or sudden changes in spending patterns. Pay attention to any deviations from established financial routines.
Altered financial documents
Review financial documents meticulously during a divorce. An incomplete set of records or suspicious alterations could indicate an attempt to obscure assets. Be vigilant for missing bank statements, altered income reports or any unexplained modifications in financial paperwork.
Unexplained debt or loans
Hidden assets may manifest in the form of undisclosed debts or loans. If your spouse appears to be shouldering financial burdens that were not previously discussed, it could be an attempt to redirect attention away from undisclosed assets. Scrutinize credit reports and be alert to any unexplained financial obligations.
Complex business structures
For spouses involved in business, the complexity of corporate structures are exploitable for hiding assets. Look for any sudden changes in business arrangements, undisclosed partnerships or convoluted financial dealings that might be concealing assets within the business framework.
Statistics show that 90% of divorces end as uncontested, but experts find that many start as being contentious. If there is contention in your relationship as you approach your divorce, it may be worth your effort to watch for signs of hidden assets.]]>